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THE    COMIC 


Life  of  Horace  (jkeeley. 


THE   WAY   DAXA    13   ASSISTING     HORACE     OKKELKY     OVEK    THE    WALL    SURRODNDINa     THE 

WHITE   HOUSE. 


PRICE    TEN    CENTS. 
iPUBUSHED  AT  *'  WiLD  OATS  "  OFFICE,  113  FULTON  STREET,  NEW  YORK. 


Ekterrd  acoordicp  to  Act  of  Congress,  in  tb?  j-ear  lf72,  by 

WXNXHEI.L,    SMALL    &   CO., 

In  the  office  of  the  Librarian  of  Congress  at  Washington. 


B 


LIFE  OF  HORACE  OREELEY. 


Including  all  the  ''  Recollections,"   Corrections,  Deflec- 
tions, Connections,  Reflections,  Objections, 

and  Elections. 


TOGETHER  WITH  WHAT  HE  KNOWS  ABOUT  FAMING. 


FROM     VERDANT     INFANCY    TO     A     GREEN    OLD    AGE. 


BY     A     PROFESSIONAL     BIOGRAPHER 


When,  in  the  coui-se  of  huniun  cveut«,  it 
'L»ecomos  uecessary  for  —  No,  uo,  that  is 
not  it.  Horace  Greeley  wiis  boni  in  Aui. 
heret,  N.  H.,  February  3,  1811.  That's  what 
we  want. 

Horace  was  young  at  an  early  period  of 
his  life,  and  his  father,  old  Zaecheus,  used  to 
say  of  him,  that,  when  he  was  subjected  to 
the  rod,  he  was  the  most  "  promising"  child 
he  ever  knew ;  although,  ou  account  of  a  very 
b;id  memory,  he  was  not  half  so  good  at 
keeping  promises  as  he  was  at  making 
them. 

Horace  was  a  frisky,  good  uatuied  cliild, 
and  at  the  age  of  five  could  appreciate  and 
take  a  joke  quite  as  heartily  as  he  could  take 
a  flogsiiiL. 


He  was  an  inquisitive  child,  and  succeed- 
ed in  reading  everything  withiU  one  hundred 
miles  of  where  he  lived  before  he  was  eight 
ye^irs  of  age. 

Even  at  this  early  age  he  took  to  study 
iug  FrankUn  and  practicing  fancy  penman 
ship  by  the  light  of  pine  knots.    The  reason 
of  his  using  pine  knots  was  because  of  the 
lK>verty  of  the  country,  which  was  so  ex 
treme  that  they  coiUd  not  raise  c^ittle  with 
fat  enough   to  furnish  candles,  and  so  they 
"  dipped"  into  knots. 

Horace  was  a  great  Iwver  of  cows  and 
calves  ill  his  boyhood  and  used  to  spend 
much  of  his  time  in  experimenting  with 
them.  Uence  much  of  his  knowledge  regard- 
ing farming,  etc. 


On  one  occasion  ho  tried  to  iinprovo  the 
steering  apparatus  of  one  of  liis  father's 
covrs.  Bossy  didn't  seem  to  see  it  in  the 
same  light  as  he  did,  and  then  the  infantile 
philosopher  attempted  to  show  her  how  she 
could  t:irn  around  in  a  shorter  space  than 
nature  adapted  her  for. 

Taking  Bossy  by  the  tail,  he  tried  to  show 
her  how  his  new  ideas  were  intende<l  to 
work. 

This,  as  before  stated,  the  cow  objected 
to,  and  ill  manifesting  those  objections,  she 
turned  upon  the  youthful  Franklin  and 
tiiiew  him  into  the  top  of  an  apple-tre«. 
Here  he  found  his  philosophy  at  fault,  as 
well  as  his  eloquence,  for,  in  spite  of  calliag 
"  Bossy,  Bossy,  there's  a  good  Bossy,"  the 
cow  refused  to  be  pacified,  and  continued  to 
keep  watch  and  ward  at  the  foot  of  that 
tree,  so  that  there  was  but  little  hope  of  Ms 
getting  do-uTi  until  milking-tune.  This,  he 
jsays,  is  the  iii\st  and  only  time  he  was  ever 
"  elevated,"  although  ho  has  been  upon  the 
hom  of  a  dilemma  several  times. 


Even  at  this  tender  age  liis  genius  mani- 
fested itself,  and,  taking  a  piece  of  paper 
from  liis  pocket,  lie  v.Tote  a  lecture  to  that 
cow,  and  dropped  it  down  for  her  i>eruSal. 
The  eifect  was  magical.    That  cow  gazed 


upon  that  letter,  upon  that  elegant  hand- 
writing, and  instantly  became  dizzy-headed, 
seeing  which,  young  Horace  slid  down  from 
his  roost  with  the  intention  of  making  his 
escape. 


But  cowy  was  too  smart  for  him,  and,  re- 
covering from  her  confusion,  she  charged 
once  more  upon  her  tormentor,  and  they 
played  liide-and-seek  around  the  trunk  of 
that  tree  until  his  father  came  to  the  res- 
cue, and  rtoracG  was  put  to  bed. 

Time  wore  on,  and,  finding  that  he  was 
wearing  out  more  clothes  than  he  could  pay 
for  as  a  farmer,  ho  rcst^lved  on  "striking 
out "  and  doing  something  for  himself.  Ho 
had  grown  to  be  a  graceful  man,  and  farm- 
ing didn't  agi'ce  with  his  kind  of  grace,  so 
he  resolved  to  meander  into  a  more  flowery 
walk  of  life.  In  the  meantime,  he  had 
learned  everything  there  was  to  bo  learned 
in  his  locality,  and  it  was  absolutely  neces- 
sary that  he  should  emigrate,  or  burst  for 
want  of  more. 

Hearing  that  printers  became  enormously 
rich  in  a  few  years,  ho  resolved  to  become 
one ;  and,  at  the  tender  age  of  fifteen,  he 
entered  the  ofiico  of  the  yortlwrn  Sjyecfafory 
a  weekly  paper.  Hero  he  learned  to  set- 
tyi>e,  but  made  enemies  of  his  fellows  be-^ 


HORACE    GKEELET   AS    HE    LANDED   IN   NEW    YORK,  DEAD-lJRfiKE*  BUT   FUU!.   OF   PLUCK. 


cause  he  could  not  tell  a  lie,  and  vould  not 
dj-ink  wiiLskj-.  Tliese  faults  in  n  printing- 
ofBce  are  not  to  be  forgiven,  and  they  took 
every  opportunity  to  "go  for^  that  New 
Hanipshiro  Chinee. 

•  This  lasted  for  some  time,  and  ho  bore 
their  taunts  and  flings  as  best  he  could, 
until  he  got  a  chance  to  retaliate.  After  a 
while,  his  genius  was  appreciated,  and  he 
t)ecame  assistant  editor.  Ha!  ha!  hero  was 
a  chance  for  revenge!  He  wrote  articles 
for  that  Spectator.  He  piled  his  genius  into 
manuscript.  Those  printers  who  had  tor- 
mented him  so  long,  now  had  occasion  to 
groan  and  sweat.  That  handwriting  has 
since  become  famous,  and  the  woi  Id  knows 
how  great  a  revenge  he  indulged  in  Vvhen 
ho  gave  out  his  *'copy  •'  to  liis  eueuiics,  and 
informed  them  that  they  must  set  it  or 
starve.  In  a  quiet  church-yard  near  by  tlu^re 
are  four  head-stones.  Under  those  stones  re- 
poses the  dust  of  his  enemies.  They  at- 
tempted to  decipher  that  handwriting,  and 
in  doing  so  became  hopeless,  driveling 
idiots,  and  then  they  died.      Thus  do  the 


virtuous,  the   truthful,  and  the   temperate 
flourish. 

But  country  printing-offices  soon  became 
too  (;ii'cu:jscribed  for  his  vaulting  ambition. 
He  hud  heard  of  Xew  York,  and  he  resohed 
to  have  a  i)ieco  of  it.  He  packed  his  valis:? 
and  started  overland  for  the  l^Iecca.  II ; 
caino,  he  saw,  ho  got  the  worst  of  it  for  a, 
few  years.  Ho  struck  Printing-house 
Square,  and  it  struck  him,  even  at  this  teh- 
der age,  that  it  would  be  a  good  place tohavc 
statues  erected  for  himself  and  the  other 
Franklin. 

But  Horace  was  only  human  at  tliis  time, 
and  natiu-ally  gave  away  just  enough  to  find 
a  lady  who  didn't  object  to  becoming  his 
wife.  Years  passed  on,  Horace  was  a  family 
man,  and,  besides  editing  the  lA)g  Cabiii^  he 
also  condu('t<'d  his  domestic  cabin  and  en- 
joyed life  quite  as  well  as  ordinary  editors 
do  who  are  temjjerate  and  Anrtuous. 

About  this  time  he  had  an  attack  of  pch- 
tics,  and  l>egan  to  scratch  about  in  the  poli- 
tical field  in  quest  of  something  that  would 
distend  his  crop.    He  had  tried  his  hand  at 


editing  The  Morning  Post,  The  Jeffersonian. 
Xew-Yorlctr,  The  Whig,  and  other  joumii Is, 
and  had  now  become  so  n.^  to  tum- 
ing  that  he  could  adapt  himself  to  al- 
mo^•t  any  creed,  and  edit  almost  any  kind  of 
a  paper.  All  this  experience  he  con«^en- 
titited.  in  1S41.  upon  the  New  York  Tribune. 
and  with  it  worked  himself  into  fame  and 
jxjlitical  greataee^. 

At  the  outset  he  began  to  pitch  into  every- 
body, like  a  boy  with  his  first  jxip-guii. 
This  showetl  genius,  and  as  that  was  at  a 
premium,  he  was  taken  in  by  Thurlow  Weed 
and  Wm.  R  Seward,  and  together  they 
started  business.  This  was  all  very  well ;  but 
as  Weed  and  Seward  got  all  its  truit  and 
Greelev  shook  the  bush,  he  began  to  see 


that  there  was  but  little  money  in  it,  how- 
evei'  much  fun  thei^  might  be.  So  he  dis- 
solved the  copartnership,  and  started  out  on 
his  celebrated  One- Term  principle,  which  he 
now  wishes  he  hadn't  advocated,  and  which 
fully  illustrates  the  fact.  "Curses,  like 
voimg  chickens,  alwavs  come  home  to  roost." 

In  1S18,  Ml".  Greeley  was  elected  to  Con- 
gress to  fill  the  term  of  a  man  who  had  been 
caUed  to  fiU  a  hole  in  the  ground.  Protec- 
tection  and  One  Term  were  the  principal 
things  that  he  had  on  the  braia  duiing  h  is 
brief  career,  as  one  among  the  Solons  at 
Washington. 

However  much  the  fact  mav  ]»-  bemoaned 
bv  his  tiiends  and  admirers,  it  cannot  be 
denied  that   the  old  man  ijot  into  bad  com- 


»    • 


TTTE    •■Ij'tj    I  A  III  y        .AND    :HE    domestic    uN'E        happy    HORACF,     as    a    FAMIi.V    M  \N, 


t.    ^ 


HORACE    GOES   OUT   TO    AIR   HIS    SICKLY   CHILD,    "  ONE   TERM,"    AND    BEING    ONLY    HUMAN 
HE    WHEELS    IT    INTO    THE   PITFALL   PREPAU ED    BY    THE    FATHER    OF    SIN. 


pany  while  in  Washington,  and  ever  since 
llien  he  has  been  full  of  iwlitical  crotchets 
and  social  demi-semiquavers  of  a  startling 
nature.  • 

Like  CincinnatuH,  he  worked  a  farm  and 
told  what  he  knew  about  the  business.  It 
is  beJit'ved,  however  g»4jd  his  inteut-ioiig 
may  hav«^  been,  that  he  has  ruuit-d  my  re 
young  men,  and  old  ones  too,  who  have  fol- 
lowed his  advice  tfian  any  ottier  a^icnl- 
taral  stige  that  ever  lived. 

At  one  time  our  filthy  street-oars  and 
duty  cushions  attracted  his  attentipn,  and 
he  was  caught  one  day  by  a  conductor  sew- 
ing some  hay-seed  over  the  seats  with  an 
idea  of  utilizing  the  large  accumulation  of 
dut.  Tliis  is  vouched  for  by  his  friend 
Dana.     T^'e  don't  believe  it. 

Horace  has  been  accused  of  being  a  Free- 
lover.  He  is  nothing  of  the  kind,  any  more 
tLan  he  is  an  office-seeker.    He  has  even 


fought  against  tliem ;  but  at  one  time  he  was 
unfortunate  enough  to  employ  Mr.  Dana  on 
The  Tribune^  and  it  fell  into  many  crooked 
ways  thereby,  and  the  good  old  man  has 
btid  to  shoulder  another's  sin,  and  he  can't 
shake  it  off. 

Mounted  on  his  old  hmse.  Protection,  he 
even  challenged  Vic*  "Woodhull  to  a  i-ace 
over  the  Presidential  course,  when  there 
wasn't  the  slightest  chance  of  either  win- 
ning. Dont  this  show  boldneae  and  oppo- 
sition to  Free  Lc>ve  and  Woman's  Rights, — 
dontit! 

Well,  little  things  like  these  didn't  lx>ther 
Honice  nuich,  and  ho  (.ontvnually  sought  a 
a  foeman  worthy  of  his  steel.  XolxKiy 
ai)poared  to  please  him  for  any  length  of 
time.  He  fought  slavery  until  it  brought 
on  a  war,  and  then,  in  sjwrting  terms,  he 
weakened,  and  advocated  that  we   should 


8 


allow  the  South  to  go  to  the  devil.  This 
shows  a  good  heart  and  a  big  liead. 

Then  ho  attacked  the  New  York  Custom- 
house and  intimated  that  there  was  fraud 
there.  He  called  loudly  for  investigation ; 
he  awakened  the  elephant  that  he  had  been 
tickling,  and  before  he  was  aware  of  it  the 
animal  had  him  in  his  trunk  and  demanded 
proof.  Then  he  weakened  again,  and  said  he 
didn't  know  anything  about  it,  that  White- 
law  Reid  was  the  man,  which  shows  more 
of  his  good  heart. 

Dividing  his  time  ^vith  everybody,  he  has 
always  managed  to  keep  busy  all  through 
life ;  and  when  he  finds  nothing  to  do,  he 
goes  hunting    musk-rats.     They    cultivate 


themselves  exceedingly  on  his  Westchesfer 
farm. 

Again  he  lectures  on  iK)etry,  protection^ 
politics,  or  anything  else  that  happens  to 
come  into  his  head.  He  is  still  proud  of 
the  penmanship  which  slew  his  enemies,  as 
before  stated,  and  practices  it  whenever  he 
gets  a  chance.  It  is  still  his  most  potent 
weapon,  and  many  a  man  who  worked  him 
harm  now  languishes  in  the  insane-agylum 
or  in  his  grave,  from  attempting  to  read  the 
friendly  letter  which  he  sent  him. 

And  he  can  talk  learnedly.  On  one  occa- 
sion, at  a  little  dinner  with  some  college 
professors,  he  let  himself  out  on  almost 
every  subject  imder  the  sun,  and  complete!/ 


HORACE,  WITH   A   VIEW  OP   UTILIZING  THE   LARGE   ACCUMULATIONS  OF  DIRT  IN  OUR' -CITt 
RAILROAD    CARS,   PROCEEDS  TO   SOW  THEM  WITH   UAY-SEED. 


c7b  -Coz  p 


■mc    RACE  von  public    favor,  between   the    old 


ROAN    "  PROTECTION  '■ 


AND    VXS 


MARE,   '*  ITwLE    LOVE." 


confounclod  the  learned  doctors.  Tliis  is 
proved  by  their  conferrinpf  D.  D.  or  some- 
thing of  that  s<irt  on  him  without  h'aviiig 
their  seats,  one  of  the  quickest  and  most 
righteous  verdicts  ever  given. 

It  has  been  liinted  that  Mr.  GrcMjley  is  a 
Yankee,  but  (Jharley  Dana  says  ho  is  an 
Irishman  by  adoption,  or  that  his  grand- 
father wa,s  an  Irishman,  and  that  Iloniec 
waved  all  claim  to  jVraerica  at  his  birth. 
This,  if  true,  was  i>robab]y  done  to  cateh 
the  Irish  vote. 

It  has  been  said  that  Mr.  Greeley  iLse« 
profane  language,  but  a  man  wlio  has  been 
associated  with  him  for  the  last  forty  years 
makes  affida\4t  that  ho  never  heard  him 


swear  in  his  life;  and  although  the  man  is  as 
deaf  as  a  jKist,  the  most  implicit  conlidcnce 
may  be  rejwsed  in  his  truthfulness.  But  he 
says  the  gcxxl  old  man  " rips  out"  once  in  li 
while,  and  wlu^rc  is  the  man  who  d(K*s  not  f 
Why,  the  cloth  tkat  they  make  at  the  pres- 
ent day  is  as  rotten  as  paper,  and  this  is 
another  argument  against  Protection. 

Not  hmg  ago  ho  went  industriously  at 
work  cultivating  Gubernatorial  cabbages  for 
the  Albany  market;  but,  alas!  they  withered 
and  came  to  naught.  This  does  not  show 
that  Horace  is  not  a  good  hoer;  it  simply 
shov.'s  that  somebody  else  had  better  seed, 
and  grew  better  and  more  salable  cabbages. 

Horace  was  mad  as  blazes  when  he  got 


10 


defeat<^d,  and  it  is  said  that  tlie  lan^age 
used  by  bm  as  the  election  returns  came  in 
would  b  v^e  made  a  flist-class  Brett  flarte 
^)oem.  But  he  got  bravely  "over  it,  and  in  a. 
stortlime  after  he  had  an  opportunity  of 
givi  ig  a  good  piece  of  advice  to  a  young 
fellov.  \yho,  in  fooling  around  the  fish-stalls 
of  Full  n  Market,  got  his  finger  into  the 
claw  of  a  live  lobster.    The  gamin  cussed. 

"  Young  man,"  said  the  great  and  good 
philosopher,  ''  be  careful  of  your  language. 
You  may  become  a  great  man  some  day ; 
then  think  how  it  would  sound  if  you  could 
not  help  ripping  out  like  that.     Go  Wesf" 

One  of  his  most  jirecious  tormentors  is 
and  has  been  Charles  Dana.  He  is  one 
mp,n  whom  he   cannot  reach.       He   never 


would  attempt  to  read  the  letters  he  sent 
him,  and  whenever  he  wishes  to  hold  the 
good  man  up  to  ridicule,  he  praises  him  and 
proposes  him  for  some  high  office.  He  can't 
be  bought  off,  coaxed  off,  or  written  off,  aal 
iias  kept  up  his  joking  until  he  has  got  the 
joke  before  the  whole  country. 

Deeply  immersed  in  politics,  he  shows 
that  he  is  onlyhuman,  after  all,  which  should 
make  us  love  him  all  the  more.  Reuben  E. 
Fenton  has  been  of  nearly  as  much  service 
to  Mr.  Greeley  as  Charles  A.  Dana  has* 
Mr.  Fentt^n  got  him  to  see  things  in  the 
same  light  as  he  did;  and  if  that  won't  make 
a  man,  what  will  ? 

He  took  him  by  the  hand  and  led  Iiim 
boldly  into  the  political  waters,  and  now  • 


T>\^¥i 


HE    STIRS    UP   THE    CrSTOM-HOrSiO    KT.EPIIAXT,  AXD  COMTS    TO    SO^nOW    AND  TRIBL'r.ATION. 


11 


X 

c 

► 
n 
m 


LILKARY 

'JN/VERSmr  OF  (LUNQIS 


12 


that  he  has  got  him  in  beyond  his  depth,  he 
ia  tr^-ing  to  learn  hira  to  swim.  Isn't  that 
good  of  ll<»uben  ? 

Well,  the  half  has  not  been  t»ld  yet.  The 
world  may  yet  remember  liow  he  went  in  for 
the  undermost  dogs  in  the  late  fight  with 
the  New  York  Eing.  How  tenderly  he  took 
Oakey  to  his  maternal  and  editorial  bosom, 
and  how  he  soothed  his  sorrows.  Wasn't 
that  gootl  of  him,  and  don't  it  show  that  lie 
is  entitled  to  the  name  of  Great  and  Good  ? 

That  King  wa.-*  "  busted,*'  and  Horace 
escaix'dby  the  actual  goodness  of  his  heart; 
and  as  no  one  had  a  better  idea  of  his  posi- 
tion than  Mr.  Dana  had,  he  at  once  hoisted 
his  name  at  the  head  of  his  paper  as  a  can- 
didate for  the  Presidency,  and,  although  he 
shifted  it  once  or  twice  for  another,  he  still 
maintained  liis  consistency. 


'\£7)^-==:s 


HORACE  GOETH  A-GUNNINO  FOR  MU8Ii-RAT8. 


HOW    HORACK.    GOT    HIS    DEGREE    OF    D.  D.    (See  text.) 


13 


-^       _.^v^ 


CABBK^E 


UORACE    ON    HIS     CIIAPPAQUA    FARM     n    ll    CINCINNATUS.         IIH  HOETII  AND     NUKSETO    TLIK 
GUIjEUNATORIAL    CAI51JAGE,    lU'T    IT    WITIIECETII    AWAY. 


14 


A  SCENE  IN  FULTON  MARKE  I'. 


HORACE   KE!  ROVES  A  GAMIN,  FOR  SWEARING,  WHO  I^  BEING 
NIPPED  BY  A  LIVE  LOBSTER. 


But  the  political  waters  began  to  boil  and 
bubble,  and  it  was  argued  that  General 
(xrant  must  be  beaten.  Mr.  Greeley  asked 
Reuben  if  such  was  the  programme,  and, 
learning  that  it  was,  he  at  once  turned  his 
guns  upon  the  Administration,  and  has 
poured  in  hot  shot  ever  since. 

Even  politicians  will  .talk,  and  presently 
they  began  to  hint  about  a  "bolt" — not  a 
thunder-bolt,  a  thundering  "  split"  from  the 
Regulars.  They  whispered  mysteriously 
among  themselves,  and  those  who  had  sore- 
heads joined  in  the  Salve  Movement. 

Things  worked  like  patent  yeast.  Long 
denunciations  were  indulged  in.  Charley 
Dana  exhibited  his  sore  toe  and  howled 
wildly  against  Grant.  He  went  to  Wash- 
ington to  impea^^h  Secretary  Robeson,  and 


came  back  by  way  of  Philadelphia,  where  he 
was  warmly  received. 

All  this  coming  just  before  the  proi)Osed 
Convention  at  Cincinnati,  had  a  certain  in- 
fluence. Schurz  bellowed,  and  Sumner  let 
on  his  basso  pro/undo.  Thing's  worked,  and 
so  did  the  politicians. 

About  this  time  people  began  to  look  wise 
at  each  other,  and  strange  whisperings  were 
indulged  in.  Two  men  of  great  political  in- 
fluence and  sagacity  met  one  night  upon  the 
street. 

"Sh!"  said  one  of  them,  placing  his  finger 
upon  his  lips. 

"Ah  !  what  is  it?"  asked  the  other,  in  a 
whisper. 

"  Tt  has  been  fixed  ! " 

"Y,liat'r' 


15 


"  The  candidate  at  Cincinnati ! " 

"No!" 

"  Fact ! " 

"Who?" 

"  Hush  ! — nora<'<».  rri^M»,ley!" 

"  Good  for  Dana." 

And  so  the  whole  thinj?  wiw  settled. 

In  Philadelphiii  two  more  astute  poli- 
ticians met,  by  chance,  of  i'oursc.  They 
were  shad  bellies,  yea,  verily,  and  they  were 
men  of  weight. 

"Brother  Hezekiah,  the  coming  man  ha« 
been  agre^ed  upon,"  said  one. 

"  Veriiy,  Brother  Jonas,  who  is  it  ?  " 

"  Horace  Greeley,"  wa«  the  reply. 

"  How  came  it  about  ?  " 

"  By  cookery." 

"  Brother,  I  think  we  can  swallow  that 
c-ookery." 


liet  OS  moisten  our 


moistening-" 


"  Yea,  verily,  we  can 
base  matter." 

And   they    vanished  into 
shop. 

That  (.'onvention  met.  They  resoluted. 
Tliey  flung  their  banners  on  the  outer  wall. 
The  mountain  labored,  and  when  the  voting 
came,  Horace  Greeley  was  nominated  ''amid 
the  wihlest  enthusiasm." 

Like  tallowed  liglitningflew  the  news  all 
over  this  vast  expanse  of  country.  Tlie 
Southern  darky  heard  of  it  and  was  gla<i. 
The  cancan  which  he  kicked  up  was  agile 
in  the  wildest  extreme,  and  terribly  loud  in 
the  crea,king  of  human  anatomy. 

In  New  York  city,  the  news  of  the  nomi- 
nation created  tlie  wildest  excitement,  and 
many  people  butted  their  l)rain3  out  from 
pure  sym])athy. 


Mr.  G  (tJw  great  and  good). — What  akk  vor  SMtiTiNO  my  house  in  tfii.s  wat  for? 

Mr.  D. BlXAUSE  I  WANT  TUr-  n  )NOR  OF  WIIITF:WASIirNO  IT  AGAIN,   BY-AND-BY. 


IG 


SCENE  IN  THR  SANCTUM  OF  A  POLITICAL  PAPER.  THE  GREAT  AND  GOOD  MAN  HARD  AT 
WORK,  SURROUNDFD  BY  HIS  SUBORDINATES.  HORACE  CLIPS  THE  "  OPINIONS  OF  THE. 
PRESS."    REGARDING    HIS   NOMENATION. 


17 


<.. 


«rn- 


1 :!   !    m    i  !  l.=^lx_       ill;  !l       ^-'^  ,-^x    4 


•BCDEB   THE    GUIDANCE    OF     REUBEN    FENTON,    HE   VENTUKES     INTO     POLITICAL     WATERS. 
NOTE   THE    LOOK    OF   BOLDNESS   AND    CONFIDENCE    \V1T1I    WHICH    HE    GOI.S    IN. 


13 


IVrOTHER  GREELEY  AND  HER  "RINCr"  PET. 

'^  THERE,  THERE,  EAT    SOME    OF   GRANNY'S    GINGER- BREAD,  AND    DON't  CRY  ANY  MORE. 
THEY  SHALL  STOP  CALLING  HIM  ^  BAD  BOY.'  " 


The  first  to  hear  the  tidings  was  a  little 
newsboy.  He  rushed  out  an  extra,  and 
ddited  into  a  street-car,  yelling,  at  the  top 
of  his  voice  :  "  Ere's  your  extra  Newes,  got 
der  nomination  of  Horaee  Greeley  at  Cin- 
cinnati." 

The  effect  was  su(;h  as  might  have  re- 
sulted from  a  galvanic  shocking-machine. 
Some  leaped  from  their  seats  and  sprang 
from  the  platform,  while  others  indorsed 
the  platform  and  went  it  bhnd. 

It  was  a  terrible  day  for  Gotham,  as  well 
as  for  other  jwrtions  of  the  country.  Ex 
eitement  became  insane,  and  men  stopped 


upon  the  sidewalk  to  dance  a  breakdown. 
Others  stood  on  their  heads  and  shouted, 
"Ilooray  for  Horace!"'  Men  and  women 
rushed  into  each  other's  arms  and  ixxjkets, 
and,  in  fiict,  nobody  but  a  few  office-holders 
was  there  who  did  not  yell  with  delight  and 
call  for  a  drink. 

Prom  Maine  to  California  the  good  news 
ran — not  the  newsboy  before  spoken  of — 
and  everybody  wheeled  into  line  as  it 
were  Louisiana  manifested  herself.  The 
colored  police  of  New  Orleans  felt  that  glory 
had  cx)me  upon  them,  and  they  danced  with 
exceeding  gTeat  joy,  while  the  thieves  and 


K 


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20 


f*. 


MEETING  OF  THE  TWO  MYSTERIOUS  POLITICIANS,  AND  THE  SECRET  LET  OUT  REGARDINQ 
HOW  THINGS  WERE  '  FIXED.'  "  THIS  l^  WITHOUT  DOUBT  THE  "  ONLY  AND  ORIGINAL 
JACOB  "  FIRST  UNDERSTANDING  THAT  HORACE  GREELEY  WAS  TO  BK  NOMINEE  AT  CIN- 
CINNATI. IF  THERE  IS  ANYTHING  THAT  HAPPENED  BEFORE  THIS,  WE  SHOULD  LIKE 
TO  SEE  THE  PROOF  OF  IT. 


rogues  were  allowed  to  enjoy  a  grand  holi- 
day. 

The  farmers  in  the  country  heard  it  with 
extreme  hunkydorie.  They  did  not  kill  the 
fatted  calf,  but  they  fatted  him  some  more, 
and  all  took  stock  in  Horace,  the  farmer  of 
Ohappacjua. 

The  nomination  was  a  perfect  godsend  to 
a  few  picture-dealers  who  happened  to  have 
a  lot  of  old  wood-cut  prints  of  Horace  on 
hand.  They  took  them  to  the  country  and 
sold  them  like  hot  cakes.  One  man,  an  en- 
terprising but  disrespectful  cuss,  actually 
sold  a  large  quantity  of  pictures  represent 
ing  Owens  as  8olon  8hin{flc,  actually  im- 
posed upon  the  credulity  and  love  of  those 
country  people  by  selling  them  this  pictiu'e 
for  a  genuine  one  of  Horace  Greeley  !    The 

ference  between  them  isn't  much,  to  be 
but  it's  the  cheat,  and  Mr.  Owens  was 


as  mad  as  a  hornet  when  he  learned  what 
had  been  done. 

One  old  man,  who  walked  the  earth  with 
a  speaking-trumpet  attachment,  was  eagerly 
waiting  to  hear  the  news,  hoping,  yet  doubt- 
ing. He  was  out  in  the  garden  hoeing.  He 
heard  somebody  shout  in  the  road  behind 
the  wall  where  he  stood. 

"What  is  it?  Who's  nominated?"  he 
yelled. 

"Milk  !"  shouted  the  voice,  which,  being 
but  imperfectly  understood  by  the  old  man, 
he  elevated  his  ear- trumpet  to  the  top  of  the 
wall,  shouting  at  the  same  time :  "  Here, 
in  here ;  let  me  have  it." 

The  milkman  saw  the  largo  end  of  the 
tnimpet  just  peering  over  the  top,  and  sup- 
posing it  to  be  a  dish  handed  up  to  receive 
tl\p  milk,  he  turned  about  two  quarts  squarely 
'  into  it,  nearly  drowning  the  old  fellow,  and 


31 


.V.V 


'I 


TWO    ASTUTK    POLITICIANS    OF      I'lIILADELrHIA    MKET    TO      IXFORM     EACH    OTIIEK     OP     UOVf 
"THINGS''    HAVE  LEE.\  '' COOKED  "  FOR  THE  CINCINNATI  CONVENTION. 


oo. 


HOW    THE    NKWS  M  AS    R,:CEIVED  DOWN  SOUTH  BY  THE  NEWLY-MADE  VOTEKS. 


completely  filliug  up  any  hollow  placis  in 
Iris  head. 

Dana  iiud  the  Suii  came  up  boldly  to  the 
work  he  had  started.  He  proved  beyond  a 
doubt  that  the  grandfather  of  Hora<ie  Gree- 
ley was  an  Irishman,  and  drew  a  vivid  pic- 
ture of  the  emigiant,s  as  they  contemplated 
the  glorious  field  of  labor  for  their  future 
giandson. 

Mr.  Dana  is  undoubtedly  just  as  much  m 
earnest  regarding  his  support  of  Mr.  Gree- 
ley, as  he  was  in  advocating  his  nomina- 
tion, and,  if  he  still  continues  to  triumph  in 
the  path  chosen,  will  undoubtedly  win  the 
Democrats  o\^x  to  vote  for  Mr.  Greeley, 
and  thus  purify  the  Republican  party.  This 


i«  just  what  Mr.  Dana  has  been  tr^-ing  to 
do  ever  since  General  Grant  refused  to  give 
him  a  fat  office.  He  is  a  very  consistent 
man,  is  Mr.  Dana. 

The  police  of  New  York  felt  joyous,  and 
forthwith,  on  hearing  the  news  of  the  nomi- 
nation, they  ^^sited  all  the  basements  ujwn 
their  respective  beats,  and  congratulated 
the  pretty  servant-girls  who  reigned  therein. 

Our  artist  has  shown  h"ow  the  congi'atu- 
lations  were  extended  to  these  belles  of  the 
kitchen,  and  it  may  safely  be  said  that  it 
has  done  much  towards  making  the  life  of 
policemen  pleasant.  Many  of  those  gallant 
men  have  been  heanl  to  say  that  they  wish- 
ed Horace  could  be  nominated  every  day  in 


23 


LOUISIANA  WllEIOLS  INTO  LINi:. 

■iHi:    NEG!iO    POLICE    OK    NEW    OULKANS     IIKAIt    OF    THK    NEWS  OF    THK    NOMINATION,  ANJ) 

FOROtrr  THE  STERN   KEgi'IliEMENTS  OF  IXTY. 


tiie  week.  The  belles  haven't  lK*eii  souudtMl 
ou  the  subje<',t  yet. 

Taken  all  in  all,  it  was  a  prreat  event. 
Even  the  tniders  marked  down  their  {^ikxIs, 
sanded  their  su^ar,  an<l  miule  tlu'ir  ens- 
toiners  happy  on  the  strenjjth  of  tlu>  prob- 
able election  of  the  great  and  j;oo<l  Honice. 

Iloracre  wa.s  as  busy  as  the  devil  in  a  gali' 
of  wind.  lb'  retired  to  his  farm  the  moment 
he  heaid  of  the  nomination,  and  l)egan 
chopping  woo<l,  in  imit-;ition  of  C'inciinatus. 
Here  his  friends  found  him,  and  congratu- 
lated   him.       IbMv>    the   artists    found    and 


8ketche<l  him,  at  which  the  world  Bmiled 
with  evident  pleasure.     So  did  Ilonu'e. 

His  enemies  say  he  did  it  for  eftwt.  But 
we  all  know  how  unlike  him  it  is  to  do  any- 
thing of  the  kintl ;  he  never  mjww|ueradej^. 
He  simply  felt  it  to  be  his  duty  to  go  out 
there  to  prevent  Ix'ing  Iwn'd.  So  he  chopped 
wood,  drank  cold  water,  and  ate  chicken 
pot-pie,  all  of  whi<'h  the  reporters  noted  for 
the  public  eye. 

In  his  letter  of  acceptance  he  comes  boldly 
imt  and  tells  us  what  he  intends  to  do.  Ho 
is  s:inguine  as  to  the  result,  and  plants  his 


24 


fi: 


SCENE   IM   A    NEW    YORK     STREET-CAR    AS   A     NEWSBOY     /.NNOrNCES    THE    NOMINATION    OF 

HORACE    GREELEY. 


S^7fi<.,:. 


25 


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ft  ^w^  > 


h 


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1.        ■  f,-  ,    , 


»  , 


'r 


An   old  man,   listening   for  .news  '  Fuo^r  the  convention,   uolds  uis  eae- 

TRUAIPET    UP    to    THE    TOP    OF    THE    GATE,    AND    ItECEIVKS,    BY    WISTAKF,    TTIE   CONTlOn* 
OF   A    MILK-CAN. 


programme.   How  touching  is  such  ix)litieal 
conlklencc ! 

"  I  will  unite  the  extremes  of  i>olitic8,  I 
will  abandcm  all  cxtrcocs  of  personal  cos- 
tume, and  let  my  friends  select  my  clothes 
and  i)ay  lor  them. 

"  England  shall  no  longer  bully  us  ;  but, 
pointing  the  linger  of  America  to  the  i)ill 
made  uj)  of  tha  Alabama  claims,  I  will  ex 
claim :  Dotcn  tcith  it,  Johnny  !  and  ho  will 
either  swallow,  or  I  will  force  it  do>vii  his 
throat  with  a  ramrod. 

"  I  will  promise  that  the  Tribune  shall 
suppcrt  the  admini.':tration  in  case  I  am 
electe<l ;  and,  for  the  good  of  the  growmg 
West,  I  will  print  a  cheap  edition  of''  What 


I  Know  About  Farming,''  and  give  a  copy  to 
every  one  who  votes  for  me." 

"I>vill  also  protect  thd  Pig-iron  State, 
and  as  for  my  late  and  life-long  antagonists, 
the  Demmu-ats,  I  will  pay  out  plentifully 
from  my  fund  of  Sore  head  Salve,  that  wiB 
work  such  wonderful  cures  in  the''  Liberal" 
ranks.  I  i)romisc  to  make  all  the  friends  I 
ca.i,  and  stop  the  paying  of  this  confoimded 
national  debt,  that  is  forcing  so  many  ix'oplo 
to  work  who  arc  not  in  favor  of  it  Tho 
tax  shall  be  removed  from  whisky,  andCiii 
cinnati  hog-hides  shall  be  luotocted. 

"  I  will  eschew  swearing  and  tobacco, 
j  Free  Ix)ve,  and  never  call  the  members  of 
I  the  Union    League    narrow  minded   block- 


26 


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27 


ENiK>ltSlN(}  THK  NOMINATION. 


>' 


TlIK  rOIJCE  (ir  M;\\  VORK  CUNdKATULAXK  IIIK  "BELLES  oF  llIK  KITCHKN,'  WHO 
LIVE  ri»ON  Tn.KIlt  15KATS,  AM)  sAY  WUAT  A  GKEA T  TIIIXU  h'OIt  THE  COUNTKV  IT  WILL 
B''  WHEN  HONEST  OLD  HORACE  IS  ELECTED  I'ltESIDENT. 

lu-ads  apiin.     1  oxpft-l  to  lu'clcctod  iiiid  to  ;  niakinjj:  tlics*-  juqxis  ;i»>vi'riiuu'iit  oif^Jins. 
bobave  mysolf,  sind,  >vhi1«MvishinjriH'a<<':m(l  }  FiiuiIIy,  rl«Mt  uw  ami  I  am  your  man. 


prosperity  to  the.  lat<'  mombcrs  «)(■  the  Tarn 
many  Ring,  I  will  place  none  oftliem  in  my 
Cabinet,  neither  will    1   wMid  Theo«lore  Til- 
ton  to  the  Court  of  St.  .Tames. 

"  As  for  Tom  Nast  and  those  fellows  who 
makefun  of  mein  Wild  Oatt,  I  will  have  them 
punishfHl  to  the  fiiU  extent  of  the  law.  I 
will  heap  live  charcoal  on  their  heads,  by 


HdllACE    IJREELKV." 

The  committee  who  re<'eived  this  lett4'rof 
acceptiinw  were  sorely  j^uzzled  for  a  Ion-; 
time  as  t<»  what  it  meant.  They  could  not 
read  it  themselves,  or  timl  anyl)ody  who 
could  do  so,  and  as  a  la.st  result,  the  com 


,^' 


28 


m 
m 


i  )Hi\ 


'^i.ii.'ni'i.'viM 


\!\mm 


''■■  fill 


III 


EVEN  THE  GROCERS  SANDED  THEIR  SUGAR,  AND  CHARGED  LESS  TOR  IT,  ON  THE  STRENGTH 
OP  THE  NOMINATION.  SPRUCE-BEER  AND  SODA-WATER  TOOK  A  BUOYANT  TURN,  AND 
GRAHAM  BREAD  ADVANCED  OF  ITS  OWN  ACCORD.  MARROW-FAT  SQUASHE8  ALSO  CAMB 
UP,  WHILE  LAST  YEAR's  POTATOES  CRIED  TO  BE  BURIED. 


mittee  waited  upon  Mr.  Greeley  tmd  .s^ot 
him  to  read  it  for  them. 

Of  course  ho  has  been  bothered  to  death 
with  politicians,  who  wanted  promises  of 
'future  plums.'  Several  seedy  ex-members 
of  Tammany  have  tried  to  get  a  job  of  re- 
peating, but  the  good  old  man  gives  them 


all  the  cold  shoulder,  and  informs  them  that 
he  must  be  honestly  elected,  or  not  all. 
What  a  rebuke  to  dishonesty  1 

The  people  are  moved  to  the  very  centre. 
They  have  resolved  to  elect  him  in  spite  of 
all  opposition,  and  not  only  that,  but  erect  a 
monuu^ent  to  him  in  Printing-house  Square.. 


29 


The  way  Horace  Greeley  proposes  to  dkal  with  Enoland  relative  to  the  Ala- 
bama Claims.  That  is  to  say,  according  to  his  leiter  of  accei'Taxce,  he  says 
THAT  Johnny  must  either  i;wAUX)\v  that  Alabama  pill,  or  he  will  force  it 

TX)WN"  his  THEOAT  WITH  A  RAM-ROD.      JoiIXXY  HASn't  BEEN'  HEARI^  FROM  YET,  BLT  IT 
IfcCONFIDENLY  EXPECTED  THAT  HE  WILL    *'  BVf ALLOW  "  AUD  SAY  >0  MOKE  ABOUT  IT 


30 


A    SBKDlt    MEMBER    OK    THE     TaMMANY     RiN(;     APPLIES      lO     Mk.    GrEELEY    FOR    A    PLACE 

IN  HIS  CABiNEi.      The    (;ood    old    iman    mildly    advises    hlm  to  "go   west," 

SQUA  r    ON  A   piece  OF  WILD    LAND  AND  OKOW  UP  WITH  A  OITY. 


We  have  been  favored  Avith  a  view  ot  the 
ailist's  design,  and  for  the  benefit  of  the 
■world,  we  present  an  aeciirate  sketch  of  it 
in  this  work. 

Our  task  is  nearly  done.  The  great  man 
with  whom  we  have  been  dealing  is  in  the 
hands  of  the  American   people,  and   they 


consider  it  a  great  deal.  So  do  we.  We 
leave  him  about  here.  Guess  this  is  a  good 
place  to  stop.  Long  wave  the  white  hairs 
of  this  Good  Old  Man,  the  Later  Frank- 
lin, the  next  President ! 

«         •#»*♦» 

The  following  note  explains  itself. 


31 


^ 

^ 


THE    EXTREMES  OF   POUTICS    THAT  HORACE    PROPOSE'!    TO     UNITE.      IV  MAY  BE  TAKEN   FOR 
GRANTED  THAT  HE  HAS  GOT  A  HARD  TASK  TO  PERFORM, 


FrifTul  Bricktop  :  I  have  just  gone  over  the  pages 
of  my  lifc,  as  written  by  you,  as  also  the  illustra- 
tions. I  couldn't  have  done  better  myself.  My 
*  *  *  *  (Jure  the  xeriiing  could  not  bf  deciphered), 
splendid.     When  I  am  elected,!  shall  appoint  yon 


minister  to  Timbucjot)  and  keep  you  there  aa  \nn^ 
as  possible.  . 

Yours  truly, 

Hukacil  Unkklbt. 


The  proposed  btatub  to  Horace  Greeley  in  PiaNfiNO-HousB  Square,  Kbw  ToeK. 


